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Force Academy Fan Fiction: Before Jedi Knight Trials

Before Jedi Knight Trials

A little note: Events in this story are fictious (so I really have no Trial tomorrow or on another day. Thanks the Force ;P), only some of thoughts presented here are based on reality. On my own reality....

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So, here it is. Tomorrow I will stand before Jedi Council and they will test me.

Jana looked at herself. I've grown... and changed. She looked at her Master, who entered her room. Then she turned her eyes away from him, as she wasn't able to say any word to him.

"Hello Jana". Mark said,"... so tomorrow is your great day, isn't it?"

Jana looked back at Mark.

"Great day? Why should I consider it as a great day? For me it's just another test, another knowledge, but not a great day, which is different from my other days."

Jana turned her eyes on the ground again. She shivered, as some nervousness came through her. No, she wasn't nervous from the trial, which was near to come. She was nervous, because she doubt about herself.

"Something's troubling you, Jana?"

She shook her head.

"Possibly..."

Mark came to Jana and put his hand on Jana's shoulder. Then he gently smiled at her.

"So what is it, Jana?"

Jana was hesitant to speak about it. I'm still the same little girl, as I was before I joined Jedi. I'm still not able to trust people, even if they're my close friends... is that all right? It took her some time, when she was able to speak.

"I.. I doubt about myself, Mark. I don't know if I'm ready for this. No... I don't care for possibility being a Jedi Knight. To be honest... I don't care about this title much. In fact nothing will change for me, if I don't count the possibility to take my own Padawans and train them to become Jedi Knights."

Jana was silent for a while. Her voice was calm, but her inner-self was still full of doubt.

"Mark... how I can teach others if... if I'm not able to deal with myself? If I even don't trust to myself?"

"I told you at the beginning of your training, that you need to unlearn some things about yourself first, Jana. Without it no change inside you is possible. Do you remember my words?"

Jana sighed.

"Yes, I do... But it's not easy for me... Unlearn some things."

"Jana, I also told you, that you need to learn trust yourself first. Without this..."

"Yes, I know, I know. I must be aware of myself, learn to trust myself, because how others could have a confidence in me and my skills, if I'm not able to trust myself?"

Mark smiled at Jana.
"Well said, my young Padawan. Knowing somethig and being aware of it is the first step. Next step is to live it."

Jana looked around herself. She went out of her room, with slow steps. She was watching others from the Force Academy. Some faces she knew well. Catherine, who was running through main hall, Adi Klem with his Padawans, sensitive woman Micho, Kenjiro Tanaka (and his never ending lectures about patience)...

To live it...were words which were repeating in Jana's head. She knew it. But sometimes she wasn't able to do it.

"I also know this as well, Mark. But... perhaps this is my problem... Sometimes... very often,... I fail in my attempts to act like a Jedi...even if I try."

Mark followed Jana out of her room. Then he looked into Jana's blue eyes. He could sense a lot of doubt, which was inside Jana.

"Jana... it's important to learn from every situation. There's nothing wrong when you fail in your attempts. Important is what you can learn from it and next time to avoid the same mistake."

"But... but sometimes I repeat my mistakes... I fail even in things I've already failed once. Sometimes I forget about previous lectures... Sometimes it's like I'm not able to learn from my own mistakes."

"I understand you, Jana. Remember this; and remember it well: Some situations in your life can be more difficult lectures than you can handle at the first time. Sometimes you just need more time to learn from it. It's individual with every human being. So no worries..."

Mark poked Jana a bit and smiled at her again.

"Is there something else you're afraid of?"

Jana shook her head.

"Yes... I'm afraid of myself..."

"Why?"

"Because there are some things within myself I still don't understand well. Some of them may cause harm to others, because I don't understand them and I'm not able to control them. I still don't know how far my potential goes..."

Mark sighed.

"It can be hard path, to understand your own abilities. It needs its time, Jana. Learn to quiet your mind, listen to your inner self and learn from it. It takes some time until your connection to the Force is fully developped. Of course - you must help yourself with this, it won't happen without your will to work on it. Nothing happens without your wish to do something with it."

Jana had to agree with her Master. He told her truth, but still she had another doubt in her mind.

"How I can call myself a "Jedi Knight", if I don't know my skills and I'm not able to use them consciously?"

"There's nothing wrong, at all, Jana. Remember, that Jedi Knight is still a student. Jedi Knight won't stop his own learning. He still learns from others, and also, he still learns about himself. Remember this well for cause if you have another doubt like this, Jana!"

Jana looked at Mark. Again he proved his wisdom to her. Again she learned something from him. She gave him a big hug and a deep bow.

Now it's time to live it...